What is the role of guilt in our lives? When do we and when should we experience it? Guilt is an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes he or she has compromised his or her own values or has violated a moral standard. This unpleasant emotional experience is designed to motivate one to rectify the situation. Unfortunately, many do not follow such a path to emotional recovery. Instead, other means are deployed to cope with the discomfort.
Distraction
One of the most popular and widely used means is that of distraction. Distraction provides temporary relief from poor choices. Guilt-motivated distraction is found through substances such as alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc. Media is also a popular outlet; social media, shows, movies, pornography, etc. Each of us has our “go to” to deal with the emotional turmoil of life.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the distraction is short-lived and cannot be sustained over an extended period of time. Once the high wears off we either try to repeat the process, escalate it, or move on to another. The irony is that this approach often leads to other problems that deepen and widen the guilt feeling, thus, further distancing ourselves from the solution. You can’t treat a dying plant through simply removing or painting the leaves. For lasting and full healing one must address the soil and root of the organism.
Sadness or Guilt?
How do we root cause it? We first evaluate why we are experiencing the supposed guilt. Often times, we label sad feelings as guilt when the cause of such feelings have nothing to do with morality or our values. Family and loved ones often evoke this internal confusion.
Others’ choices and resulting consequences make us sad. We feel responsible for their choices and feel that we could have done something to prevent it. We can always do something better and should constantly be striving to do so but we do not control others’ actions. Others’ poor choices should not produce guilt but sadness. Accepting our limited influence in their lives is part of the sadness we should experience. Acceptance of that which we cannot change is addressing the root of the sadness. Once we understand our place and influence, we then can let go and restore peace (although sadness may still remain).
The Clean Up
Now back to guilt. To relieve guilt we must identify the decision we made that is causing such discomfort. Once identified, we gather courage and do what must be done. We make amends with our self, others, and/or our God. We determine to do better and make improvements. This directly, and healthily, addresses guilt. Following such steps will heal emotional wounds and restore our true selves.
If we have ignored guilt and have covered it through distraction the process will require more than standard effort. Think of your soul as a garage. Cleaning out the garage after years of ignoring all the items that enter will require significant work to clean it up. We simply pick up one item at a time and decide what to do with it. Little by little the garage slowly starts to become clean and feel different. Once it is nice and tidy we ensure that we continue to receive each item that enters and decide what to do with it. We don’t ignore anymore. The fruits of such work are peace, clarity, and happiness. No amount of distraction can beat that!
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