Your Millennial Coach

As A Millennial Thinketh…

Goals

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In 1912, Harry Leon Wilson wrote a novel entitled, Bunker Bean.  It is an intriguing story about a man who was tricked into believing in himself.   As you read, reflect on your own self-talk and how that dictates your actions.    

The Bunker Bean summary below comes from a book a good friend of mine, Merlin Frei, wrote called At the Corner of Celestial Avenue and Milky Way.

“Bunker Bean grew up feeling inferior to others. He roamed the earth in rags and lived timidly through its terrors.  He was afraid of policemen, feared bodies of water and heights.  He was afraid of the future, afraid of life – even afraid of himself.

One day, Countess Casanova, a false spiritualistic medium, persuaded Bunker that in exchange for his savings, she could tell him about his previous incarnations. Bunker was delighted. He was surprised to learn that he, the weak and timid Bunker Bean, had once been the great Napoleon Bonaparte, the master of the world.  

Convinced, Bunker spent every spare minute learning about his former self; the great Napoleon.  Even the thought of his once powerful self made his chest swell.  He had been the man who always moved forward, never looking back.  With effort, Bunker knew he could regain those rare qualities he once possessed.  

Determined to use the powerful character traits in his life, it was not long before people began to notice a change in him. He received new responsibilities at work and a pay raise.  This convinced him even more that his karmic cycle was changing.

With a pay increase, Bunker was struck with another thought.  He knew that for a short period of 52 years he had been Napoleon, but who was he before that?  Once again, he confronted the spiritualistic. She could tell him, but it would cost more this time.  Bunker gladly agreed to her terms.  

As she gazed into her crystal ball a gasp came over her.  “Oh Bunker, this is incredible.” she cried.  “You were none other than Ramses, the greatest of the Egyptian Pharoahs!”.  

Bunker Bean could hardly believe what he had just been told.  He, Ramses, had been a ruler of great strength and character.  He had been stern, at times, but always just.  As the Pharaoh, he had been tall and handsome.  Bunker studied all he could about his former self.  He was so impressed with the account of the magnificence of the physical bearing of the pharaoh that he immediately employed the best tailor and had his clothing cut in such a way as to give him the appearance of perfect physical development.  The effect produced so improved his form that he unconsciously strove to develop the appearance that the garment gave him.

Strength seemed to flow into him as he pondered upon the demeanor of his former self as Pharaoh.  Bunker believed himself to be both a wise and fearless soldier and a magnificent king.  He slept with thoughts of courage and awoke with vigor in the morning. He knew he could accomplish whatever he set his mind to do.

Then one day Bunker had a rude awakening.  Countess Casanova was arrested as a cheat and a fraud.  Nothing she had told Bunker was true.  He had never been Napoleon nor had he ever been Ramses.  He was nothing but the lowly Bunker Bean.  

What do you suppose happened to Bunker Bean after the dismal revelation?  Would he return to his former pitiable state or would he remain the confident, courageous person he had become?

He knew that no one but himself and the medium ever knew of his thoughts.  He experienced a great spiritual truth; as a man thinketh in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7).  Napoleon and Ramses had only been scaffolding in building his true self.”

Millennials are often perceived to have inflated self-esteem.  Bunker experienced much the same in this story.  What made Bunker successful was that his new self-esteem translated into character building activities.  He not only changed the way he thought, he changed the way he acted.  Confidence combined with focused action produced lasting character which allowed him to become a great man.  We all must be clear on who we are and who we want to become.  Persistence in this endeavor will be hard but the blessings that will flow into our lives will be rich, full, and worth the required sacrifice.  Now “Bunker Up” and live life like you are supposed to!

Nurturing Our Partner in Marriage

Family

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During one of my recent couples coaching sessions, certain behaviors were identified by one of the spouses as being disrespectful.  As I listened closer it became apparent that the right word to describe his feeling was not disrespect but that of neglect.  How does one remedy days, weeks, months or years of neglect in a marriage?  The response that came powerfully to mind was the powerful antidote of nurturing words and actions.   

As a society, we often associate the word nurture with growing plants and growing people.  Our task as parents is to take small, helpless children and enable them to become healthy, interdependent individuals capable of great things.  As I reflected on what this word meant to marriages it took on a different angle and feel for me.  

From courting to marriage a relationship develops from seed into small plant. Small plants are vulnerable and weak.  They are young.  Strong binding roots have not yet formed. If not properly nurtured and protected the rays of the sun and force of the winds can uproot the plant and cause it die (divorce).  Unfortunately, our knowledge and experience on how to care for young vulnerable marriages can be somewhat limited in the beginning of our journey.  Much energy, focus, and trial and error is required to ensure the plant does not wither, wilt, and die.  Through such focus the plant will grow.  As nurturing actions are taken the passing years will deepen the roots of respect, honor, and love that cement the marriage relationship.  This same process applies to marriages that are weak but have been 10, 20, or 30 years in the making.  The change will take time but it is always possible when both parties are willing to participate.  

How does a nurturing attitude manifest itself in a marriage?  The answers to such a question are many and unique to your marriage. Each person is an individual. Each person has their own preferences on what they prefer in marriage.  The challenge for you is to know and act upon the preferences of your spouse that will nurture and grow your relationship.

  • What type of voice tone would your spouse like you to use?
  • What are meaningful acts of service that would be appreciated by your partner?
  • If you have a marriage complaint what is the best way to communicate that complaint?
  • In regards to intimacy, what actions could you take to nurture this part of your relationship?
  • When greeting each other what are some things you can do to show your love for your partner?
  • When riding in a car or watching a show together what can you do to love your partner?

As displayed by these simple questions, the opportunities to nurture our most important relationship are plenty and found in all aspects of the marriage.  Think on the little and big  things that will nurture/deepen the relationship.  Think on the unique individual you have married and what nurturing may mean to them.  Often times, when we nurture our partner, our partner catches on and nurtures us.  The snowball effect is then kicked off and the marriage is fulfilling its purpose on becoming a strength in the home that becomes a strength to our children.  Experiment with this word “nurture” in your marriage and enjoy the results that will inevitably come as you consistently manifest your love through a nurturing focus.

Financial Abuse In 60% Of Millennial Relationships – What’s The Remedy?

Family

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I came across an article this past week that shocked me.  It stated that 60% of millennials abuse their partners through financial transgressions.  Financial abuse or infidelity as defined in the study is when a “romantic partner has either lied about money, hid debt, or used money to manipulate or gain power in the relationship.”  This does not bode well for married millennials.  If 60% of us are plagued by financial abuse in our marriages and the number one predictor of divorce is disagreement over finances then our society is in for a rough ride.  A healthy, productive society is built on healthy marriages and families.  

This caused me to reflect on my own marriage.  Fortunately, we have a deep level of trust in this area. This did not come easily.  We have had our hiccups over the years but our willingness to be open and honest about finances has led to a stable relationship.  Honesty is the primary attribute that has enabled this trust to occur.  Through personal experience in my marriage as well as coaching others I have learned that creating a framework through which honesty can be exercised is critical to long term marital harmony. This framework is what I call a financial agreement or budget.  

A household financial budget is simple.  It is an agreement between two partners in how money will be spent on a monthly basis (month to month seems to be the most natural cadence for keeping a budget).  Identifying the right amount of money for each category can take some negotiation, compromise, patience, and experience.  Once both parties agree to this budget it then becomes a third party through which the household finances are managed.  

The honesty is exercised in doing what you said you would do.  Honesty is keeping one’s word.  Once both parties agree to the budget then disciplining oneself to live within the budget is the next step.  I know this can be hard for a generation that is used to getting what we want when we want it. That is how many of us were raised.  If financial disagreement is the number one indicator of divorce (and it is) then choosing to be honest within a budget is much more than it appears.  It is choosing to stay married over getting what you want when you want it.  It is that simple.  

Simple is not the same as easy.  For many of us we will have to grow and develop in ways we have not yet experienced.  It will require a different lens on life.  Rethinking happiness may be necessary.  Material things may give us a thrill, a momentary pleasure but it does not make us happy.  Enriching relationships with our spouse and children will.  Both will be compromised if we are dishonest and head down the road to divorce.

If you are experiencing financial disagreements in your marriage then take action today.  Sit down with your spouse, let them know of your desire for a better marriage, and present them with the idea of a financial agreement or budget.  If you are sincere in your expression and request then most partners will be supportive.  Be patient with yourself (and partner) for the first couple months.   It will take some time to create the right budget for your household.  Consider mint.com as a budgetary tool to get you started. I promise that a budget will do wonders for your marriage  if done in a spirit of honesty, respect, and love.

No Replacement for Perseverance

Perseverance

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The more I learn the more appreciative I become in recognizing the control we have over the quality of our lives.  Perhaps, the most important factor in dictating our personal success is perseverance.  Over the past five years, much research has highlighted perseverance as the single most important indicator in determining life success.  

Below are some of my favorite examples of those who have been rewarded for their perseverance.  Without knowing their story one may believe that luck and skill were the primary factors in their success.  Digging deeper we realize that blood, sweat, and tears were critical components in enabling their incredible breakthroughs:

  • Colonel Sanders went to more than 1,000 places trying to sell his chicken recipe before he found an interested buyer.
  • Thomas Edison tried almost 10,000 times before he succeeded in creating the electric light.
  • The original business plan for what was to become Federal Express was given a failing grade on Fred Smith’s college exam.
  • Sylvester Stallone had been turned down 1,000 times by agents and was down to his last $600 before he found a company that would produce Rocky.
  • The poet Robert Frost had his first poetry submissions to The Atlantic Monthly returned as “unwanted”.
  • Ray Kroc, the late founder of McDonald’s, knew this too. “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence” he once said. “Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with great talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination and love are omnipotent.”

If there is one attribute we should all strive to develop and improve it is our ability to persevere in the face of opposition, doubt, fear, and failure.  If we stay the course and persist in our chosen path we will be amazed with our progress.  We must remember that life is a marathon and not a sprint.  A marathon requires steady, consistent effort over an extended period of time and that is exactly how we should live our lives. Start your marathon today.  

Fathers: Why We Need Them

Family

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According to the U.S. census bureau, 24 million children, 1 out of 3, live without their biological father in the home. Consequently, there is a father factor in nearly all social ills facing America today.

A father’s decision to be involved with and connected to his children (or not) dramatically impacts the child’s development, self-esteem, and decision-making for many years to come as illustrated by the below statistics:

When father is absent in the home:

  • 7x more likely to become pregnant as a teen
  • 2x more likely to drop out of high school
  • 4x greater risk of poverty
  • More likely to have behavioral problems
  • More likely to commit a crime and go to prison
  • More likely to face abuse and neglect
  • 2x more likely to face obesity
  • More likely to abuse drugs and alcohol

When father is positively present in the home:

  • Infants score higher on tests of mental development 
  • Toddlers securely attached to fathers are better at solving problems
  • Kids manage school stress better and exhibit less anxiety
  • Girls whose fathers provide warmth and control achieve higher academic success
  • Girls with doting fathers are more assertive
  • A daughter’s self-esteem is best predicted by her father’s physical affection
  • Fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use, and unhealthy weight

What does this mean to you?  If you are a man, then step up and be there for children.  By nature, you are uniquely qualified to guide in ways that only you, as the father, can provide.  If you do not have children look for opportunities to be a role model to children who may not have one. Your impact can be tremendous and life-changing. To all men, reach beyond your own selfish interests and prioritize the rearing of children in some form or fashion. It is the greatest work of which we can be a part and greatly contributes to the well being of society.

If you are a woman, let your man fulfill his role as Father in the home.  Divorced families need this structure just as much, if not more. Have the father be as involved as he is willing to be.  If you do not have a father in the household, then look for a positive male role model through other avenues such as church, sports, and other organizations.

This blog is about finding deeper peace, happiness, and fulfillment in life through simple insights and actions. Fatherhood is simple and deciding to be a good father is just as simple. Simple does not always mean convenient and easy.  Fatherhood requires effort and sacrifice mixed with love and discipline.  The blessings of such a decision are tremendous and grow with each year.  Fathers…let’s make this coming year our best yet as we give more of who we are to those we love most.  

My Experience With Money & Marriage

Family

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Personal finances are a curious thing.  They have the ability to create security, peace, happiness, prosperity and/or  fear, anxiety, depression, and ruin.  Our approach to personal finances can build and uplift or break and tear down.  A common example of this reality is the role personal finances play in marriage.  Financial disagreements are consistently mentioned in the top three reasons for divorce.  Although most people know this fact many fail to take the measures necessary to cure it in their own marriage.

From a very young age I have had the inclination to save money.  It is not to say I didn’t freely drop dollar bills on candy, soda, baseball cards, and arcade games…I totally did.  I enjoyed these activities as much as the next kid but I always felt a pull to save more than I spent.  Some say this is a blessing and others may say it is a curse.  It has been both in my life…especially when it has come to marriage.

My ability to earn and save money has enabled my children to readily enjoy a strong maternal influence that has significantly contributed to their healthy upbringing.  Unfortunately, this same ability has caused much strain and tension with this same maternal influence.  When two people come together in marriage they bring their childhood, personality, and unique perspective.  For most this blending process can be very challenging.  It was and still is for me.  We all have different perspectives, wants, and habits that are not easily understood and accepted by our partner.  

Through the last 15 years I have had to consciously focus on increasing my understanding of alternative financial perspectives.  I have had to set very clear and specific goals to enable me to be more flexible, giving, and free with the money that I earn.   I have had to step outside my own paradigm and experience the paradigm of my significant other.  This process has enabled me to FEEL what they feel (although, perhaps, not as powerfully).

A good example of this is my wife’s love for fashion.  Fashion has never interested me and my wardrobe reflected this.  Over the past three years, this has changed.   I have spent more money and focus on trying to impress my “girlfriend”/wife than ever before.  At first it was just to impress her but now I quite enjoy wearing my tighter jeans and shirts that “show off this sexy bod” (her words not mine).  Now I understand, to a degree, what clothes and fashion mean to her because I have experienced it myself.

My wife, on the other hand, has been willing to step over to my side of the financial fence and experience the blessings of a budget.  She has changed her spending habits to ensure that we do not get in debt, save for meaningful goals, and work towards a better, more secure future.  She has voluntarily assumed the role of financial manager in our household in regards to tracking and categorizing expenses. She has been incredibly willing to experiment and has felt the benefits.

In marriage we strive to become one in purpose.  This oneness is one of the most difficult endeavors we will ever pursue.  It is a lifelong goal that requires persistence, patience, and experimentation.  Both parties have to be willing to embark on the journey.  Often times it requires the courage of one partner to step over and understand, empathize, and experience the other’s paradigm.  This opens the door for the other partner to do the same.  Be the one to take the first step and I promise your marriage will be much better for it.

The Art Of Life Balance

Balance

Balance is a law of nature.  Without it cars drive funny, athletes fall down, products fail, and people become overwhelmed and empty.  To achieve a smooth operating car, athlete, product, or person balance must be at the foundation of their existence.  When it comes to life balance this can be defined differently for different people.  For some exercise, family, and work is how they establish their balance.  For others fun, creativity, and spirituality are needed for a balanced life.  Life balance stems from identifying one’s core values and effectively incorporating these into one’s life.

We are all striving to achieve balance in one form or another.  The reason why I say “all” is because without it we feel “off”.  This “offness” is supposed to motivate us to action.  Some want the benefits of balance but are not willing to put forth the effort.  Others are willing but lack the resources and knowledge to effectuate change in their lives.  This group of people do the best they can for a period but get discouraged with their lack of progress. At this point, most realize that planning and organization is needed if balance will ever be achieved.

As a result, I have decided to highlight four previous posts that will help individuals achieve balance in their life.  The application, not the reading, of these posts will enable change and progress to occur.     

The Value of Core Values:  Part of “growing up” is making a conscious decision on what we want from life and who we want to be.  This process requires strength, independence, and confidence as we separate ourselves from family and friends and decide what is centrally important to us (not them).

If Everything Is A Priority, Nothing Is:  It is human nature to want to do everything despite the limitations of time, money, and focus.  Allowing this tendency to drive expectations and actions is a recipe for disappointment and mediocrity.

How to Plan A Week:  One of the most common frustrations we experience in life is that of being overwhelmed.  We have too little time for all of life’s demands.  Spending some up front energy to plan a week can make all the difference in the world.

How Great People Get Things Done!:  Implementing some simple techniques each day can help ensure that you are working on the most meaningful activities first and avoiding the time suckers that cause progress paralysis.

The Milkshake Advantage To Breaking Bad Habits

Addiction

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I loved milkshakes as a kid.  I remember my dad making them with a malt additive on our biscuit colored blender.  He would tell stories of the Malt Cup he organized and the battle between the scout leaders and scouts on who could down the most malts at Fenton’s Creamery.  I remember going to Mel’s Diner in high school on Friday and Saturday nights and connecting with friends with milkshake in hand.  I continued my love affair with milkshakes throughout my 20’s and into my 30’s.  It was not the healthiest love in the world but it is one I really enjoyed.

A little over four years ago, I noticed that my desire to consume milkshakes was decreasing.  Even with this decreased desire I would continue to order them every chance I got because I “loved” them (at least that is what I told myself).  After a while, I started to understand that the decrease in desire was tied to an uncomfortable feeling I would get after drinking one.  I had become lactose intolerant (at least in larger quantities).  The crazy thing is it took me a good three years to stop drinking milk shakes even with this intolerance.  It wasn’t until I started to be mindful about my experience and share it with my sweetheart did I accept that I no longer enjoyed milkshakes.  This realization was a sad one for I loved the thought of a milkshake but ultimately I enjoyed feeling comfortable more than feeding an antiquated idea of fun.  

The mind is a powerful thing.  We often deceive ourselves into supporting behaviors that are based of some preconceived notion of fun or enjoyment that we created from past experience and/or social influences.  Many of these “enjoyable” habits also possess a blinding pleasure-effect that masks the other realities of the experience. For example, many think they enjoy smoking but in actuality they do not. Nicotine satisfies a craving while masking some of the less favorable parts of the experience like the smell and other physical sensations smoking creates.  Once an individual is mindful, he or she realizes that the overall experience is not nearly as enjoyable as they once thought.  Sure, there are parts that they enjoy but being mindful of the entire experience and honestly taking note of what it offers changes their “want” of smoking.

To want something is very different than something we should do.  When a habit goes from a should to a want the habit loses it power.  This shift causes a change in who controls the habit because the value proposition has been significantly clarified in our minds and hearts.  We place ourselves in a position for change when we want to change as opposed to we should change.  

Taking a step back and being mindful of our short-term and long-term experience with a habit is critical in releasing its power.  The key here is to be honest.  Be honest with what the habit provides and what it takes.  Be honest with the sensation/craving it satisfies and the purpose it serves.  Be honest with how it helps you to cope with stress, exhaustion, or hunger.  Be honest with how it impacts your confidence, relationships, and success at work.  Be mindful of all facets of the experience the next time you do it.  Create a written list of what it offers and what it takes. Expand the list of what your life is like with the habit and what it could be without it. Share this list with someone you trust. Revisit the list frequently to remind yourself of the identified reality.  

If I wasn’t mindful about my milkshake experience I would still be drinking them based on old programming. I have evolved physically to the point that my body and lactose no longer get along. Our emotional maturation can also get to a point where a habit is no longer agreeable with our current paradigm. If we are mindful to analyze, understand, and accept what a habit offers we will increase our ability to choose based on truth and not on our customized fiction.  Apply the milkshake advantage today and be mindful in all habits both good and bad.  Such mindfulness will reinforce healthy habits and dis-empower destructive ones.

Failure Is An Option And May Be The Best Option…Sometimes!

Failure

Image result for i've failed over and over again and that is why i succeedAs children we are constantly trying new things.  It is a part of natural human development.  These new things are always tied to mistakes and errors.  Our ability to walk comes after many tumbles and falls.  Our ability to speak comes after countless attempts to mimic noises, words, and voice fluctuations.  Our ability to read comes through a laborious trial and error effort of sounding out letters, guessing words, and making mistakes along the way. We experiment with how to shoot a basketball, draw an object, and play an instrument.  Childhood development is filled with hits and misses that are viewed as beautiful and fully accepted (even supported) by society, family, and friends.  

Unfortunately, something changes along the way. With each passing elementary school year our appetite to try new things decreases.  This is a reflection of the unfavorable image we may portray to our peers and teachers. We don’t want to be viewed as stupid, dumb, incapable, or a failure. We start to care too much about what others think. We become self conscious about making mistakes.  As a result, many of us stop taking risks. Less risk means less room for failure and being made fun of. Eventually most of us fall in line with what is accepted and safe.  

This pattern is further reinforced as we enter middle school, high school and proceed to be educated in some career.  This safe approach may add a certain level of protection but what we give up far outweighs what we gain. Increased safety means decreased growth, progress, and ability to fulfill our potential. It leads to mediocrity (albeit safe mediocrity).  Not just mediocrity in our careers but mediocrity in our relationships, values, and, ultimately, our happiness level.  For many, the capacity and tolerance for growth-centered activities is low; thus creating a significant deficiency in the quality of individuals we are versus who we could be.

A different mindset must take hold to liberate us from our debilitating and lethargic comfort zone.  We need to rethink what success really means.  Success is not doing everything just right or perfectly.  If you have done something just right from the get go then you are playing it too safe and not growing.  Success is instead doing something that stretches you and that causes you to fail.  That’s right fail.  Failure is a part of risk and an essential ingredient to success.  Success does not exist without failure.  Success does not exist without risk.  Both are required. The more we fail the more we learn and the more sweet the experience is when we succeed.  We open ourselves to feel deep and profound feelings that are inaccessible to those who avoid risks.

Such risks don’t have to be as significant as leaving your job to pursue your dream career.  Meaningful risk can be found in pursuing activities that align with your core values.  If connection is important then finding ways to connect with people will likely require uncomfortable activities.  It may be joining a group, service organization, or putting yourself out there to have someone over for dinner. If achievement is important then signing up for a half marathon is a risk one may decide to take. The outcome is unknown, the challenge hard, but the process and experience (regardless of the outcome) is priceless.

Identify your core values.  Assess the adjustments required to align everyday living with these values. Proceed to take the risk to integrate these into your life.  Accept failure as part of the process and a welcome result…for it means that you are pushing your limits and growing.  One’s purpose is to be happy and have joy.  I promise that having faith in the risk taking process will fulfill this purpose. Good luck and may the failure, and success, be with you.  

My Journey: From Dumb Kid to Capable Adult

Action

Childhood Education

When I was in first grade I was an “early bird” which meant that myself, and half the class, were to attend an earlier school schedule.  The “late birds” were on the later school schedule. It did not take long for my classmates and I to understand the reason for the classifications.  The “early birds” were dumb and the “late birds” were smart.  

In third grade a select number of children were chosen to attend “GATE”.  I came to find out that GATE meant Gifted and Talented Education.  I was not selected and I was not surprised.  It confirmed what I already knew.

These early academic events caused me to subconsciously label myself as not smart or capable.  This was fairly easy for me to accept for I had little reason to believe otherwise.  I did not have in home opportunities and experiences that contradicted or challenged this belief.  I watched TV, played video games, fought with my siblings, and hung out with my friends.  I did not engage in mentally challenging activities.  This just wasn’t my childhood.  So…I accepted my academic limitations and acted accordingly.

I remember giving up easily on the tougher problems in school.  I saw no reason to push myself to figure them out. I could not change what was.  I felt helpless in these moments.  It was frustrating to be asked to do something that I was incapable of doing.  To compensate, I would focus on what I could control which meant doing homework, fulfilling reading assignments, and completing any other task that would compensate and cover my lack of intelligence.  

I applied this helpless mindset to anything that required my mental faculties.  I avoided such activities at all costs for the powerlessness caused great discomfort and anxiety.  

Childhood Athletics

In athletics, I had a very different mindset.  I knew I could grow and progress because I experienced it at an early age.  I approached each athletic challenge with diligence, dedication, and determination.  If something was hard I simply made myself figure it out.  I did so because I had identified a strong link between effort and progress.  As a result, I became a fairly successful high school athlete.

Higher Education

Since graduating from high school I have had many experiences that have forced me to question my childhood paradigms.  My desire to provide for my family caused me to push beyond this fixed academic mindset.  Necessity (at least that is how I saw it) left no option but to face my insecurities head on and leverage what little I had.  This effort was met with success which caused sincere disbelief and confusion.  For years, I attributed my academic achievements in higher education exclusively to hard work (which certainly was part of the equation).  I struggled to accept that the hard work was actually causing me to intellectually grow.  I would simply feel I got “lucky” when I would do well on tests.

Adulthood

Through years of experience and hard work I have come to learn that I am capable intellectually, strategically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  I now realize that these are internal muscles that must be worked, flexed, and pushed to grow and develop.  The more I have faith in this paradigm the more progress and growth I experience.    

As a child, I believed my ability to grow and develop intellectually was fixed.  It was what it was and I should not waste time and energy trying to change what is.  Athletically, I had a growth mindset and that enabled me to progress, develop, and succeed.  

A new landscape with more serious consequences caused me to look beyond my academic paradigm and leverage my athletic one.  I knew it functioned in sports so I put it to the test in college.  It worked.  I am fortunate to have learned these lessons and grow.  I still struggle to accept I am intellectually capable for childhood beliefs are extremely difficult to unlearn and shake.  The more I abandon the fixed mindset for a growth one the more empowered I become to progress.   

In summary, nothing is fixed.  Everything has potential to grow.  Never believe that you are what you are and change is out of your control.  This is a form of victimization. Belief combined with action (aka faith) can bring about great things.  Reflect on your “early bird” moments that have shaped your paradigm and see what actions you can take to look beyond and prove it wrong. You will be surprised in what you can become if you simply believe that growth is real and possible.  Provide yourself (and your children) with opportunities to experience this reality. You and your posterity will be richly rewarded as you pursue and persist in this path.     

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